So I've been in the UK for about 2 months now, and I love it. Love love love it. I decided that I belong in a city, not in the woods of Western Massachusetts. I need city life, city people, music, clubs, cafes, everything.
I was going to keep a blog of what was going on while I was here so I could look back later and see what I had done while abroad, but I fail. Check out my twitter for day to day updates.
Instead I'm going to keep this open as a creative venting outlet.
I learned a lot about myself while I've been here. And the most important thing is that I'm afraid of being alone.
You wouldn't think that because I've always been independent, always had my own thing going, but deep inside, I'm scared. Scared that I'm not good enough, scared that no one will ever love me, and scared that it's all just a dream.
Different events have shown me that my subconscious doesn't like being alone. And it's just so unassuring. In a different country, I don't have any family I can automatically go to when I'm bored and have no one else. And when friends disappear, what am I to do? I'm left on my own, and that scares me. So much.
I guess in order to be with someone, you have to know yourself. You have to be comfortable with who you are and what you are doing. I thought I had all of this under control, but after a lot of thinking lately, I don't think I'm content with myself, be it at the moment.
Even the blind eyes of skype can't bring me closer to my goal. Sure, I can talk to anyone I see online on my list, but that doesn't replace my need for social interaction and face to face contact. Sigh.
And I'm not sure I even want to come home. I don't want to go back to my university because I feel like everyone has moved on without me. I'm not missed. What impact have I had on people at school? None.
Waahhhh. This just makes me want to burst into tears.
Too much time on my hands spent on thinking instead of doing the very many essays I have to write. Ugh.
And then next week is Thanksgiving. First thanksgiving with out my family. I dont like the thought of that. I'm going to cook a thanksgiving meal (or at least try) for my friends here, but it's just not going to be the same.
....
I guess theres not much more to say without being repetitive. So there. I admit it. I'm scared of being and ending up alone. But who isn't?
xox
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Sunday, September 19, 2010
got 99 problems and a bitch is one
tonight was an interesting night.
I went out to a benefit for my friend Adam who has leukemia and then after went out with some friends to a bar and got food.
I was a little depressed tonight and nearly fell into tears a few times.
Yea theres things bothering me.
What bothers me the most is that I feel like I'm losing my friends.
When I went to visit Amherst last weekend I felt like although I had so many people to see, none of them I was close enough to really feel like I have a friend I can trust.
1. My supposed best friend who I tell everything to, last weekend in Amherst, he left me at the bar. Like no concern of how I was doing, where I was going to go, etc. It just makes me mad because this person says they will miss me so much next semester and what will they do without me? But continues to ignore my text messages and calls because they are "busy."
yea, going to miss me so much.
please spare me the bullshit.
2. Also. I am tired of being thought of as second rate. I get a text to hang out so late, I know what they are looking for, and although I may have gone along with it at first (and this whole summer to be exact), I have decided that I would like a relationship.
Everyone around me is in a relationship right now, and it's just sucky to be around that and not have anything myself. It makes me feel worthless and that I am not worthy of being in a relationship. What am I missing that everyone else has? Why is it so difficult for me to find?
I'm not asking for much. I don't understand why every guy I hang out with only sees me as someone to just have fun with, and when they don't get what they want, they disappear.
It hurts so much, it really does.
3. I'm slowly losing my friends. I don't have anyone I can talk to. Instead I must vaguely ramble on this without revealing too much. But then again, who reads this? no one.
It makes me so sad to realize that I don't have anyone stable anymore that I can count on. I used to always have at least one person I could go to when I had a problem that I needed to rant. And now, that number is zero. zilch.
My best friend is with her boyfriend all the time, and I'm leaving in 5 days. I haven't hung out with her alone in....I don't remember when. Whenever I hang out with her, she's with him. No girl time, no girl talk.
other best friend from school, slowly drifting away.
other friends from school, bonding without me while I am away this semester.
being used by a douchebag.
oh and my good friend in england might no longer be there this semester. it's going to suck.
I feel like everything is falling apart. Everything was going good and I was confident about everything, but now things are going down the drain. I don't feel strong connections with anyone anymore, and I feel like I can't even talk to my own parents about it.
My friends that I trusted the most are too busy to listen, too busy to make time.
I go out of my way to hang out with other people, and I feel like they wouldn't do the same for me.
Too nice. Ugh.
I also hate feeling guilty, or someone that tries to make me feel guilty because I don't want to do something.
If I say no I cant, then fucking accept it. I never push other people constantly, and it makes me so mad when someone can't take no for an answer. It always has to be someone else's way, never mine. Things never work out when I try to plan things, because people are unaccommodating and selfish.
Ughhhhhhh wtf. I'm in such a bad, weird mood, I hate it so much.
I just want things to go back to the way they were, before I started feeling like this.
I know it's nothing huge to ruin my day, but the more I think about it, the more it does ruin my day.
I'm a people pleaser.
And I didn't get enough sleep last night. So I almost fall asleep as I write this.
Blah.
Bed time, thanks for listening to my rant.
At least I can express myself somewhere, right?
But then again, who reads this? No one. I'm not important.
Ughhh
xoxo
I went out to a benefit for my friend Adam who has leukemia and then after went out with some friends to a bar and got food.
I was a little depressed tonight and nearly fell into tears a few times.
Yea theres things bothering me.
What bothers me the most is that I feel like I'm losing my friends.
When I went to visit Amherst last weekend I felt like although I had so many people to see, none of them I was close enough to really feel like I have a friend I can trust.
1. My supposed best friend who I tell everything to, last weekend in Amherst, he left me at the bar. Like no concern of how I was doing, where I was going to go, etc. It just makes me mad because this person says they will miss me so much next semester and what will they do without me? But continues to ignore my text messages and calls because they are "busy."
yea, going to miss me so much.
please spare me the bullshit.
2. Also. I am tired of being thought of as second rate. I get a text to hang out so late, I know what they are looking for, and although I may have gone along with it at first (and this whole summer to be exact), I have decided that I would like a relationship.
Everyone around me is in a relationship right now, and it's just sucky to be around that and not have anything myself. It makes me feel worthless and that I am not worthy of being in a relationship. What am I missing that everyone else has? Why is it so difficult for me to find?
I'm not asking for much. I don't understand why every guy I hang out with only sees me as someone to just have fun with, and when they don't get what they want, they disappear.
It hurts so much, it really does.
3. I'm slowly losing my friends. I don't have anyone I can talk to. Instead I must vaguely ramble on this without revealing too much. But then again, who reads this? no one.
It makes me so sad to realize that I don't have anyone stable anymore that I can count on. I used to always have at least one person I could go to when I had a problem that I needed to rant. And now, that number is zero. zilch.
My best friend is with her boyfriend all the time, and I'm leaving in 5 days. I haven't hung out with her alone in....I don't remember when. Whenever I hang out with her, she's with him. No girl time, no girl talk.
other best friend from school, slowly drifting away.
other friends from school, bonding without me while I am away this semester.
being used by a douchebag.
oh and my good friend in england might no longer be there this semester. it's going to suck.
I feel like everything is falling apart. Everything was going good and I was confident about everything, but now things are going down the drain. I don't feel strong connections with anyone anymore, and I feel like I can't even talk to my own parents about it.
My friends that I trusted the most are too busy to listen, too busy to make time.
I go out of my way to hang out with other people, and I feel like they wouldn't do the same for me.
Too nice. Ugh.
I also hate feeling guilty, or someone that tries to make me feel guilty because I don't want to do something.
If I say no I cant, then fucking accept it. I never push other people constantly, and it makes me so mad when someone can't take no for an answer. It always has to be someone else's way, never mine. Things never work out when I try to plan things, because people are unaccommodating and selfish.
Ughhhhhhh wtf. I'm in such a bad, weird mood, I hate it so much.
I just want things to go back to the way they were, before I started feeling like this.
I know it's nothing huge to ruin my day, but the more I think about it, the more it does ruin my day.
I'm a people pleaser.
And I didn't get enough sleep last night. So I almost fall asleep as I write this.
Blah.
Bed time, thanks for listening to my rant.
At least I can express myself somewhere, right?
But then again, who reads this? No one. I'm not important.
Ughhh
xoxo
Monday, September 13, 2010
Creative Essay - College Application - 2006
Confessions of a Middle School Bully
I smile as the young seventh grader squirms with fear. The fact of the matter is that I am the eighth grader; I am the one in charge. No one can escape my wrath. At least, that is how it seems in the eyes of my peers. I constantly pester those poor kids for their lunch money and shred their homework to pieces. I take credit for their assignments. There is nothing they can do about it, since I am the chief in this small tribe of students. Even the parents of the kids I torment make me seem like a truly beast-like character. There have been several complaints against me; how many times I have been sent to the principal's office, I cannot count.
Oh, to be a Middle School Bully.
I am failing Pre-Algebra. I walk the streets like a tough guy. I spend time with the "cool" kids in the hall instead of going to class. I inflict fear in the eyes of everyone I pass. The fifth graders I like to call "Fresh Meat" turn around and hastily scatter in the opposite direction when they hear my footsteps.
The thing is, it is all just a pretext to who I really am inside. I can't help it that they assume I am going to hit them. I only did that once when I was furious with the situation at home. Or was it twice? I can't remember. Haven't they ever heard of "Forgive and Forget?" I guess I have to learn to control my temper. Contrary to popular belief, I can be reasonable at times. I know when it is time to back off.
Oh, to be a Middle School Bully.
I can't take it anymore; I'm lonelier than ever. Although I may seem to be on top of the Middle School world, I am gradually tumbling through space to the bottom of the chain. I want my parents to have faith in me. I want them to tell me that they love me. My father is rarely home since he joined the navy. The few times he is home, though, he is too busy fighting and bickering with my mother to take notice that I am suffering. I sit at the dinner table by myself, Ralphy, the dog, by my side. Even he doesn't like me for who I am; he knows he will eat the left over scraps I can no longer digest.
I know what I'll do: I'll stop taking my aggression out on others. Maybe then they'll all like me. Maybe then I'll have a friend I can actually talk to, instead of the superficial "cool" kids who like me because the others fear me. It sends tremors down my spine to believe that I do not belong anywhere. The school, my family. It's a battle I fight with myself every day; too bad I am losing miserably.
Oh, to be a Middle School Bully.
While I cry in woe, the rest cry in fear of a Bully who really isn’t the oppressor others make him out to be. It makes me sad to acknowledge the fact that I can never enter the little society called Middle School as the “funny kid,” or the “class clown.” I will always be Rob, the Eighth Grade Bully, or Rob the Monster.
I lie in pain as my misery dries up the tears. Pounding the wall hasn’t worked, at least not yet. I curl up into a ball and hope that tomorrow I will wake up and it will be a different day. A truly different day, where my anguish is gone, and I can be myself.
Oh, to be a Middle School Bully.
(c) 2010 lalaxox...that greek girl
xo
I smile as the young seventh grader squirms with fear. The fact of the matter is that I am the eighth grader; I am the one in charge. No one can escape my wrath. At least, that is how it seems in the eyes of my peers. I constantly pester those poor kids for their lunch money and shred their homework to pieces. I take credit for their assignments. There is nothing they can do about it, since I am the chief in this small tribe of students. Even the parents of the kids I torment make me seem like a truly beast-like character. There have been several complaints against me; how many times I have been sent to the principal's office, I cannot count.
Oh, to be a Middle School Bully.
I am failing Pre-Algebra. I walk the streets like a tough guy. I spend time with the "cool" kids in the hall instead of going to class. I inflict fear in the eyes of everyone I pass. The fifth graders I like to call "Fresh Meat" turn around and hastily scatter in the opposite direction when they hear my footsteps.
The thing is, it is all just a pretext to who I really am inside. I can't help it that they assume I am going to hit them. I only did that once when I was furious with the situation at home. Or was it twice? I can't remember. Haven't they ever heard of "Forgive and Forget?" I guess I have to learn to control my temper. Contrary to popular belief, I can be reasonable at times. I know when it is time to back off.
Oh, to be a Middle School Bully.
I can't take it anymore; I'm lonelier than ever. Although I may seem to be on top of the Middle School world, I am gradually tumbling through space to the bottom of the chain. I want my parents to have faith in me. I want them to tell me that they love me. My father is rarely home since he joined the navy. The few times he is home, though, he is too busy fighting and bickering with my mother to take notice that I am suffering. I sit at the dinner table by myself, Ralphy, the dog, by my side. Even he doesn't like me for who I am; he knows he will eat the left over scraps I can no longer digest.
I know what I'll do: I'll stop taking my aggression out on others. Maybe then they'll all like me. Maybe then I'll have a friend I can actually talk to, instead of the superficial "cool" kids who like me because the others fear me. It sends tremors down my spine to believe that I do not belong anywhere. The school, my family. It's a battle I fight with myself every day; too bad I am losing miserably.
Oh, to be a Middle School Bully.
While I cry in woe, the rest cry in fear of a Bully who really isn’t the oppressor others make him out to be. It makes me sad to acknowledge the fact that I can never enter the little society called Middle School as the “funny kid,” or the “class clown.” I will always be Rob, the Eighth Grade Bully, or Rob the Monster.
I lie in pain as my misery dries up the tears. Pounding the wall hasn’t worked, at least not yet. I curl up into a ball and hope that tomorrow I will wake up and it will be a different day. A truly different day, where my anguish is gone, and I can be myself.
Oh, to be a Middle School Bully.
(c) 2010 lalaxox...that greek girl
xo
Oh you fancy huh?
I have writer's block.
I'm trying to start my grad school personal statement but I can't really think of what to write. I know what to write about but I don't know how to start it.
I was looking back at my college application essays and I was such a good writer back then. Back then I was taking journalism and AP english in addition to my science classes. After college I feel like I am much more focused on the sciences. I read one of my creative essays I wrote and it was so good. I might post it after I finish this post.
My cousin is coming from Cyprus on Wednesday to visit for a week. I am kinda excited, not going to lie. It will be good.
Show her around Lowell, chill and stuff.
The GREs went ok.. my score didn't really change which pissed me off because I paid 160 dollars to retake them...but oh well.
Those kind of standardized tests I feel that you will do how you are going to do, and no matter how much you study and prepare won't make that much of a difference.
Friday Night I went to Amherst again to visit my friends. I did some errands on campus during the day and then I visited people. I spent the whole day running around trying to see different groups of people. I saw my friends from work for a mere half an hour (because I had trouble finding the place and finding a place to park where I wouldn't get towed)... and then I had to run downtown to meet up with some friends. It was a long night, and kinda stressful. I feel like no one really appreciated my effort to see so many different people in one night. But oh well, it was still fun.
So now all I have left to do is grad school applications/essays.
This needs to be finished before I leave in about a week and a half. And I don't know how much I will get done. AHHH.
Focus, andrea, Focus!!
Ok, this is my warm up writing for my essay, I am determined to get at least a draft done for my essay by tonight. We'll see how that goes.
Wish me luck! xo
I'm trying to start my grad school personal statement but I can't really think of what to write. I know what to write about but I don't know how to start it.
I was looking back at my college application essays and I was such a good writer back then. Back then I was taking journalism and AP english in addition to my science classes. After college I feel like I am much more focused on the sciences. I read one of my creative essays I wrote and it was so good. I might post it after I finish this post.
My cousin is coming from Cyprus on Wednesday to visit for a week. I am kinda excited, not going to lie. It will be good.
Show her around Lowell, chill and stuff.
The GREs went ok.. my score didn't really change which pissed me off because I paid 160 dollars to retake them...but oh well.
Those kind of standardized tests I feel that you will do how you are going to do, and no matter how much you study and prepare won't make that much of a difference.
Friday Night I went to Amherst again to visit my friends. I did some errands on campus during the day and then I visited people. I spent the whole day running around trying to see different groups of people. I saw my friends from work for a mere half an hour (because I had trouble finding the place and finding a place to park where I wouldn't get towed)... and then I had to run downtown to meet up with some friends. It was a long night, and kinda stressful. I feel like no one really appreciated my effort to see so many different people in one night. But oh well, it was still fun.
So now all I have left to do is grad school applications/essays.
This needs to be finished before I leave in about a week and a half. And I don't know how much I will get done. AHHH.
Focus, andrea, Focus!!
Ok, this is my warm up writing for my essay, I am determined to get at least a draft done for my essay by tonight. We'll see how that goes.
Wish me luck! xo
Monday, September 6, 2010
no motivation....
Ugh. I have absolutely no motivation to get things done. I have to study for the GREs that im taking on Wednesday...and I have to start Grad School apps...AHHHHHHH.
This weekend was pretty epic. I went out Friday Night to celebrate my friend's birthday and lets just say I had too much fun. Saturday I went out again with a different group, and I got into a little fight with one of my friends because she got bored and wanted to leave. But I ended up staying at the bar later and going to the diner with my friends.
And yesterday I went to Amherst to visit my friends, they were having a barbeque and everyone was there, it was good to finally see everyone again. I am planning on going again this Friday so I can go see my professor to ask for recommendations and to go out with my friends and see others I didnt get to see.
BLAH is how I'm feeling right now. I know this will pass, but I just need to finish my apps, I need to be done with the GREs and I need to be in England. I am feeling down because everyone is back at school and here I am at home still. Not saying that I want to be studying and doing homework just yet (which I'm technically doing if you think about it), but I don't want people to hang out and forget about me :(
Sigh Sigh Sigh.
It was weird being in Amherst last night and not having any permanent space to stay. Really weird. I got back from a party and I was going to say, ok I'm going back to my room, but I couldn't, because I didn't have my own room anymore. I had to crash on a friend's couch.
Waaaaah.
Oh well, Just 19 more days and I will be in europe having fun. Just need to control myself for now.
This weekend was pretty epic. I went out Friday Night to celebrate my friend's birthday and lets just say I had too much fun. Saturday I went out again with a different group, and I got into a little fight with one of my friends because she got bored and wanted to leave. But I ended up staying at the bar later and going to the diner with my friends.
And yesterday I went to Amherst to visit my friends, they were having a barbeque and everyone was there, it was good to finally see everyone again. I am planning on going again this Friday so I can go see my professor to ask for recommendations and to go out with my friends and see others I didnt get to see.
BLAH is how I'm feeling right now. I know this will pass, but I just need to finish my apps, I need to be done with the GREs and I need to be in England. I am feeling down because everyone is back at school and here I am at home still. Not saying that I want to be studying and doing homework just yet (which I'm technically doing if you think about it), but I don't want people to hang out and forget about me :(
Sigh Sigh Sigh.
It was weird being in Amherst last night and not having any permanent space to stay. Really weird. I got back from a party and I was going to say, ok I'm going back to my room, but I couldn't, because I didn't have my own room anymore. I had to crash on a friend's couch.
Waaaaah.
Oh well, Just 19 more days and I will be in europe having fun. Just need to control myself for now.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
counting on a new beginning, reason for leaving...
So the summer is over basically. It is now officially September. Oh how fast the last 3 months have flown. Since my last post I completed an internship at Genzyme, went to Las Vegas, went to 2 concerts (KissConcert and Greenday), went to my first Red Sox game (we lost), and met a ton of new people. It's so weird to me that I've actually had a good summer at home, I was not expecting it. And in 22 days (basically three weeks) I am leaving for England. AHHHHHH.
Ok so I'll start from the beginning of the summer. This is good because it will give me a recap of my summer.
I started working the week after I came home from school (Middle of May). I was very stressed and overwhelmed for the first month because my boss had very high expectations for me, thinking that as an intern I should know how to do everything alright. I ask questions. Lots of questions. And I was working really long days, some days I had 10.5 hour work days, on top of the commute (around an hour to get there, hour to come back, varying with traffic).
It really was a great experience though for my first full time position. I learned so many different techniques, and just as I was getting confident with my skills in the lab, it ended. lol. My last week I set up and conducted a large scale experiment on my own while my boss was on vacation. I also set up my cell samples for FACS analysis and I was able to do the analysis/finish it by my last day. I was so proud of myself because I was able to generate good results that my boss could use in his paper. Maybe I will get published?! That would be awesome.
I also did a huge presentation in front of the big boss on my last day, I did a good job. and then we all went out to eat at this greek place for lunch. It was pretty nice. I already miss the other intern, Lindsay. We had a lot of funny moments at work concerning awkward situations (lol). Hopefully we'll stay in touch via facebook or something.
I'm glad I took the internship because it set me up with a new network of people and they also asked me if I wanted to work full-time next year. Although I am planning on going to grad school, I can still work during the next summer as a grad intern or even during winter break. And it also looks good on my resume...lol not that thats the reason why I took the job, but it's great experience that will hopefully set me apart from other people applying to grad school.
Talking about grad school, ugh. I have yet to start the applications (which I need to start ASAP, I was hoping for finish before I leave for England...). I need to finalize my list of schools and start. I need to ask my people for recommendations...and then edit my essay. AYYYYYY I'm stressing just thinking about it!! I'm taking the GREs again on Wednesday. I took them at the end of July and I did great on the Math section and the Essay, I just wish I did a little better on verbal...so I'm retaking the whole damn thing in less than a week. I've been struggling to focus to study..but I've gone thru the entire GRE book skimming and a whole other verbal workbook..I just have to do a practice exam and I think I will be set to take it...and also go over some more vocab..which is what screwed me over last time. AH. I just hope I do better this time or I will cry.
Crying makes me feel better. I had a few tears today just thinking that I won't be going back to UMass this semester...all of my friends are moving back either tomorrow or this weekend and it just makes me sad that I won't be joining them. WAHHHH.
I's just so weird! and I really want to go back because I don't want to miss out on the semester shenanigans. I'm just scared that people are going to forget me. That sounds dumb but I feel like every semester people bond over things...and if I'm not there, people will...I don't even know where I'm going with this. But I'm sure you get the point. Ugh.
I'm planning on going to visit next weekend, hopefully see everyone I want to see and go out to the bars. I just want to cry because everything is going to be different this year. Everyone is in apartments separate from each other, so people will ultimately drift apart, and when I get back, what group will I belong to? I don't know.
I get mad because I'm never the leader, I always follow. Whenever I try to make plans, it never works out, but someone else will text me with plans of what theyre doing and I join. It's just so annoying and makes me feel insignificant. Like what sets me apart from those people? I'm too nice is what it is. But then I would have no one if I was a bitch all the time. whatever.
I don't regret deciding to go abroad, it will be a great experience, but until I leave for england, everyone is back at school having a good time. While I am sitting at home by myself studying for stupid GREs and thinking about starting grad school applications.
It sucks.
I just wish my study abroad program started earlier so I didn't have to feel this way.
Anyway, ranting aside, how about the happy aspects of summer.
In June I went to Las Vegas for 4 days and it was probably the best experience in my life. hahahah.
We stayed at Caesar's Palace, which was beautiful, the rooms were so nice and the hotel itself was exquisite, as were all of the other hotels on the strip. Each hotel had its own aura/theme and it was just awesome.
Every night we were out. The first night, we went out to eat the Jimmy Buffet's Margaritaville. And then we walked around and watched the fountain show at the Bellagio (Beautiful hotel as well). Then that night Angela and I went to the Bank Night club at the Bellagio...It was such a great first night. We saw Ryan Cabrera as we were waiting to get in. Then these girls asked us if we wanted to get a table with them because they had a reservation. So we got in for free and for only 30 dollars we had our own private VIP table with unlimited drinks. Our table overlooked the dance floor and we were dancing, got our drinks served to us, and took tons of pictures. I was looking over the little balcony onto the dance floor and I saw this hot guy, and he looked up at me. I motioned for him to come up to our table and to my surprise, he did. He was adorable, we hung out for the rest of the night.
We got back to our room at say....4 or 5 am...
On our way back we saw our Norwegian friend, he was so funny and would talk to us whenever he saw us in the hotel lobby.
The next day we spent some time at the pool (which was amazing BTW). We met some guys there at the pool and that night we went to Holly Madison's Peep Show at Planet Hollywood. It was interesting. After the show we went to the bars on the strip and bought yardstick drinks. Haha they were amazing. We got to talking with the bouncer at the Rock House and he let us in and set up Beer Pong in the bar, hahah. While we were playing this group of guys was watching us and kept talking to us (Well, me, hahah). One of them was very hot and bought me a drink. and he kinda followed me around the rest of the night..not that I objected...haha it was a great night.
Our last night we went to the Body Exhibit at the Luxor, which was crazy interesting, and we also went to the Wax Museum at the Venetian. We also did the Gondola Ride at the Venetian which was so awesome! It's like a little Italy in there!! SO awesome.
Gondola ride! Love it!
BTW I dont remember exactly if we did all three in the same day, because it seems like a lot for one day, but it was within the span of those few days.
That night Angela and I got really dressed up because we were going to go to Pure Nightclub in our hotel. We put on our fabulous dresses and went to go to her sister's room in a different tower. As we were waiting for the elevator, this guy walked by and said he was in the suite from the Hangover movie (which was supposedly took place at Caesar's Palace, but in actuality the room was actually a sound stage, haha) and that they were having a party. We were like, oh ok, we'll come get our friends. He told us the room which was on the 15th floor of a different tower. We got Sam and the other girls to dress up and they came with us. It's a good thing we got them to go with us because 1. There was no party, it was 3 ugly old guys in a huge suite, 2. It was not the room from the Hangover nor did it look like it 3. I don't think they saw the Movie.
Julie was smart and pretended that one of our friends was calling and we left. That was sketchy but funny.
We then went to Pure, got in for free. Drinks were so expensive there.
We went up to the roof of the club where it was open outside, and we saw our Norwegian friend there as well. It was funny. I also met some guys from England, really hot. Heh. we talked for a while. Overall it was a great night at Pure.
The guys from The Hangover!
Love these girls!
When we got back to the hotel that night, in the lobby we encountered men from all over the world, hahah. So awesome. We met some guys from England, our Norwegian friend appeared again, and also found some guys from Australia (so hot). And then to top it off some guys from Scotland showed up in kilts. And they were not wearing anything underneath those kilts apparently. Hahaha.
Pimpin' all ova the world! lol
It was a great end to the night and trip.
God it was such a fun trip. I'm so glad I went, it really was the highlight of my summer.
Can't wait to go back again next summer!
Wow, such a long post, but I really needed to catch up with my life. And for me to rant without pestering anyone to listen.
Sigh.
Alright well, peace. Hopefully I'll be able to update soon.
And expect lots of updates while I'm in England. Exactly 22 days til I leave! :)
Ok so I'll start from the beginning of the summer. This is good because it will give me a recap of my summer.
I started working the week after I came home from school (Middle of May). I was very stressed and overwhelmed for the first month because my boss had very high expectations for me, thinking that as an intern I should know how to do everything alright. I ask questions. Lots of questions. And I was working really long days, some days I had 10.5 hour work days, on top of the commute (around an hour to get there, hour to come back, varying with traffic).
It really was a great experience though for my first full time position. I learned so many different techniques, and just as I was getting confident with my skills in the lab, it ended. lol. My last week I set up and conducted a large scale experiment on my own while my boss was on vacation. I also set up my cell samples for FACS analysis and I was able to do the analysis/finish it by my last day. I was so proud of myself because I was able to generate good results that my boss could use in his paper. Maybe I will get published?! That would be awesome.
I also did a huge presentation in front of the big boss on my last day, I did a good job. and then we all went out to eat at this greek place for lunch. It was pretty nice. I already miss the other intern, Lindsay. We had a lot of funny moments at work concerning awkward situations (lol). Hopefully we'll stay in touch via facebook or something.
I'm glad I took the internship because it set me up with a new network of people and they also asked me if I wanted to work full-time next year. Although I am planning on going to grad school, I can still work during the next summer as a grad intern or even during winter break. And it also looks good on my resume...lol not that thats the reason why I took the job, but it's great experience that will hopefully set me apart from other people applying to grad school.
Talking about grad school, ugh. I have yet to start the applications (which I need to start ASAP, I was hoping for finish before I leave for England...). I need to finalize my list of schools and start. I need to ask my people for recommendations...and then edit my essay. AYYYYYY I'm stressing just thinking about it!! I'm taking the GREs again on Wednesday. I took them at the end of July and I did great on the Math section and the Essay, I just wish I did a little better on verbal...so I'm retaking the whole damn thing in less than a week. I've been struggling to focus to study..but I've gone thru the entire GRE book skimming and a whole other verbal workbook..I just have to do a practice exam and I think I will be set to take it...and also go over some more vocab..which is what screwed me over last time. AH. I just hope I do better this time or I will cry.
Crying makes me feel better. I had a few tears today just thinking that I won't be going back to UMass this semester...all of my friends are moving back either tomorrow or this weekend and it just makes me sad that I won't be joining them. WAHHHH.
I's just so weird! and I really want to go back because I don't want to miss out on the semester shenanigans. I'm just scared that people are going to forget me. That sounds dumb but I feel like every semester people bond over things...and if I'm not there, people will...I don't even know where I'm going with this. But I'm sure you get the point. Ugh.
I'm planning on going to visit next weekend, hopefully see everyone I want to see and go out to the bars. I just want to cry because everything is going to be different this year. Everyone is in apartments separate from each other, so people will ultimately drift apart, and when I get back, what group will I belong to? I don't know.
I get mad because I'm never the leader, I always follow. Whenever I try to make plans, it never works out, but someone else will text me with plans of what theyre doing and I join. It's just so annoying and makes me feel insignificant. Like what sets me apart from those people? I'm too nice is what it is. But then I would have no one if I was a bitch all the time. whatever.
I don't regret deciding to go abroad, it will be a great experience, but until I leave for england, everyone is back at school having a good time. While I am sitting at home by myself studying for stupid GREs and thinking about starting grad school applications.
It sucks.
I just wish my study abroad program started earlier so I didn't have to feel this way.
Anyway, ranting aside, how about the happy aspects of summer.
In June I went to Las Vegas for 4 days and it was probably the best experience in my life. hahahah.
We stayed at Caesar's Palace, which was beautiful, the rooms were so nice and the hotel itself was exquisite, as were all of the other hotels on the strip. Each hotel had its own aura/theme and it was just awesome.
Every night we were out. The first night, we went out to eat the Jimmy Buffet's Margaritaville. And then we walked around and watched the fountain show at the Bellagio (Beautiful hotel as well). Then that night Angela and I went to the Bank Night club at the Bellagio...It was such a great first night. We saw Ryan Cabrera as we were waiting to get in. Then these girls asked us if we wanted to get a table with them because they had a reservation. So we got in for free and for only 30 dollars we had our own private VIP table with unlimited drinks. Our table overlooked the dance floor and we were dancing, got our drinks served to us, and took tons of pictures. I was looking over the little balcony onto the dance floor and I saw this hot guy, and he looked up at me. I motioned for him to come up to our table and to my surprise, he did. He was adorable, we hung out for the rest of the night.
We got back to our room at say....4 or 5 am...
On our way back we saw our Norwegian friend, he was so funny and would talk to us whenever he saw us in the hotel lobby.
The next day we spent some time at the pool (which was amazing BTW). We met some guys there at the pool and that night we went to Holly Madison's Peep Show at Planet Hollywood. It was interesting. After the show we went to the bars on the strip and bought yardstick drinks. Haha they were amazing. We got to talking with the bouncer at the Rock House and he let us in and set up Beer Pong in the bar, hahah. While we were playing this group of guys was watching us and kept talking to us (Well, me, hahah). One of them was very hot and bought me a drink. and he kinda followed me around the rest of the night..not that I objected...haha it was a great night.
Our last night we went to the Body Exhibit at the Luxor, which was crazy interesting, and we also went to the Wax Museum at the Venetian. We also did the Gondola Ride at the Venetian which was so awesome! It's like a little Italy in there!! SO awesome.
Gondola ride! Love it!
BTW I dont remember exactly if we did all three in the same day, because it seems like a lot for one day, but it was within the span of those few days.
That night Angela and I got really dressed up because we were going to go to Pure Nightclub in our hotel. We put on our fabulous dresses and went to go to her sister's room in a different tower. As we were waiting for the elevator, this guy walked by and said he was in the suite from the Hangover movie (which was supposedly took place at Caesar's Palace, but in actuality the room was actually a sound stage, haha) and that they were having a party. We were like, oh ok, we'll come get our friends. He told us the room which was on the 15th floor of a different tower. We got Sam and the other girls to dress up and they came with us. It's a good thing we got them to go with us because 1. There was no party, it was 3 ugly old guys in a huge suite, 2. It was not the room from the Hangover nor did it look like it 3. I don't think they saw the Movie.
Julie was smart and pretended that one of our friends was calling and we left. That was sketchy but funny.
We then went to Pure, got in for free. Drinks were so expensive there.
We went up to the roof of the club where it was open outside, and we saw our Norwegian friend there as well. It was funny. I also met some guys from England, really hot. Heh. we talked for a while. Overall it was a great night at Pure.
The guys from The Hangover!
Love these girls!
When we got back to the hotel that night, in the lobby we encountered men from all over the world, hahah. So awesome. We met some guys from England, our Norwegian friend appeared again, and also found some guys from Australia (so hot). And then to top it off some guys from Scotland showed up in kilts. And they were not wearing anything underneath those kilts apparently. Hahaha.
Pimpin' all ova the world! lol
It was a great end to the night and trip.
God it was such a fun trip. I'm so glad I went, it really was the highlight of my summer.
Can't wait to go back again next summer!
Wow, such a long post, but I really needed to catch up with my life. And for me to rant without pestering anyone to listen.
Sigh.
Alright well, peace. Hopefully I'll be able to update soon.
And expect lots of updates while I'm in England. Exactly 22 days til I leave! :)
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Reflections of a semester
It's the end of April. Already.
Give me 11 more days and I'm done with my Junior year of college.
Say what????
Is this for real?
I guess so. It's such a weird feeling.
So much has gone on in the past month, I don't know where to begin.
First off, I got the internship at that company in Framingham, which is kind of awesome. I'm really excited for the opportunity and it's really well paying. I was just thinking that, as an intern I can make that much without a degree, imagine how much I can make with an actual degree. Doctoral. Hmmm.
I'm definitely going abroad next semester. I shall be in Brighton, UK in September! It was weird because I did not select housing or classes this year...scary.
I'm excited to get out of here and live in a different country for a few months.
Tons of applications, orientations, and decisions, and I'm going. Wow.
This summer I'm going to be home the whole stretch. It's going to be weird because I haven't been home for the summer or an extended period of time since high school. I hope I don't go crazy, for real.
The money I make will be worth it. And then I can go abroad for 3 months.
It'll be ok. The spring semester will be fun...I'm going to be doing all of my thesis experiments as well as writing my thesis...hmmm...I hope I don't get too stressed. But that's too far from now.
The semester is over in like, a week and a half. Then I won't be back at school til the end of January. Gahhhh. I hope I find housing.
I feel overwhelmed just thinking about it.
I was hoping to go out tonight, but alas, here I am. I don't have much work, which is a change for once, and no one wants to go out.
I feel like that's the deal EVERY weekend. I've given up asking people if they want to go out, because its not "appealing" or whatever. It's whatever. I feel suffocated sitting in this room all night every night, I just want to go out and meet people.
Oh how I love people.
Somehow, someone is going to screw you over. I don't trust people anymore.
If someone in a relationship pursues something and doesn't even care that they have a significant other, how is that supposed to make me believe in relationships? i.e. I don't approve of cheating. Yes, its flattering, but seriously, I wouldn't want to be the unknowing person at the other end of the relationship. And they're "far away" doesn't make it alright. I don't even know anymore. With what I've experienced, I can no longer trust people. Who is to say that this guy isn't just lying to my face? Who is to say that he actually wants a relationship? I forgot, I'm not worth a relationship.
Damn it.
I always pick the assholes.
hot assholes.
I'm giving up. Yup I don't really care anymore. Screw it.
This guy I liked last year is now in a relationship. When we were seeing eachother, he never wanted anything serious; and now he claims he's "in love." bullllllllshit.
Or is it just me? Am I not the relationship type?
I don't know, I'd like to think I am.
No, it's the guys. Just looking for one thing.
And I hate that fact. absolutely hate it.
Yes it sucks being single and lonely. It gets me depressed a lot, but what can you do. Every guy that I find attractive or actually like is in a relationship. or just not interested in me. fuck. just my luck.
If it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be.
Here I am philosophizing (is that even a word? I might have made it up, sorry).
Oh well. As Jay-Z says, on to the next one, right?
I'm just tired of dealing with people and being judged. It's my life and I'll do what I want, why does it concern you? I'd prefer if people respected that. I respect you.
Just needed to get that out there, my frustrations have been overwhelming me. I feel the need for a cleansing cry coming along; oh life.
What are your thoughts on these subjects?
Why is being in a relationship such a big deal? I don't get it.
Give me 11 more days and I'm done with my Junior year of college.
Say what????
Is this for real?
I guess so. It's such a weird feeling.
So much has gone on in the past month, I don't know where to begin.
First off, I got the internship at that company in Framingham, which is kind of awesome. I'm really excited for the opportunity and it's really well paying. I was just thinking that, as an intern I can make that much without a degree, imagine how much I can make with an actual degree. Doctoral. Hmmm.
I'm definitely going abroad next semester. I shall be in Brighton, UK in September! It was weird because I did not select housing or classes this year...scary.
I'm excited to get out of here and live in a different country for a few months.
Tons of applications, orientations, and decisions, and I'm going. Wow.
This summer I'm going to be home the whole stretch. It's going to be weird because I haven't been home for the summer or an extended period of time since high school. I hope I don't go crazy, for real.
The money I make will be worth it. And then I can go abroad for 3 months.
It'll be ok. The spring semester will be fun...I'm going to be doing all of my thesis experiments as well as writing my thesis...hmmm...I hope I don't get too stressed. But that's too far from now.
The semester is over in like, a week and a half. Then I won't be back at school til the end of January. Gahhhh. I hope I find housing.
I feel overwhelmed just thinking about it.
I was hoping to go out tonight, but alas, here I am. I don't have much work, which is a change for once, and no one wants to go out.
I feel like that's the deal EVERY weekend. I've given up asking people if they want to go out, because its not "appealing" or whatever. It's whatever. I feel suffocated sitting in this room all night every night, I just want to go out and meet people.
Oh how I love people.
Somehow, someone is going to screw you over. I don't trust people anymore.
If someone in a relationship pursues something and doesn't even care that they have a significant other, how is that supposed to make me believe in relationships? i.e. I don't approve of cheating. Yes, its flattering, but seriously, I wouldn't want to be the unknowing person at the other end of the relationship. And they're "far away" doesn't make it alright. I don't even know anymore. With what I've experienced, I can no longer trust people. Who is to say that this guy isn't just lying to my face? Who is to say that he actually wants a relationship? I forgot, I'm not worth a relationship.
Damn it.
I always pick the assholes.
hot assholes.
I'm giving up. Yup I don't really care anymore. Screw it.
This guy I liked last year is now in a relationship. When we were seeing eachother, he never wanted anything serious; and now he claims he's "in love." bullllllllshit.
Or is it just me? Am I not the relationship type?
I don't know, I'd like to think I am.
No, it's the guys. Just looking for one thing.
And I hate that fact. absolutely hate it.
Yes it sucks being single and lonely. It gets me depressed a lot, but what can you do. Every guy that I find attractive or actually like is in a relationship. or just not interested in me. fuck. just my luck.
If it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be.
Here I am philosophizing (is that even a word? I might have made it up, sorry).
Oh well. As Jay-Z says, on to the next one, right?
I'm just tired of dealing with people and being judged. It's my life and I'll do what I want, why does it concern you? I'd prefer if people respected that. I respect you.
Just needed to get that out there, my frustrations have been overwhelming me. I feel the need for a cleansing cry coming along; oh life.
What are your thoughts on these subjects?
Why is being in a relationship such a big deal? I don't get it.
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